Sex is generally becoming a hot topic in what once was a conservative society. It is clear that more discussions, be it with lovers or peers, have ‘that thing’ and are more imaginative when it comes down to what pleasures people. With sex being pleasure oriented, for many women, it leaves them yearning for that eye-rolling, toe-twisting, tongue biting, voice screeching sensation, basically –an orgasm. What happens in the typical bedroom, if more than half of Batswana women ‘apparently’ rarely experience the outer body effect of an orgasm?
It’s hard to believe that some women cannot orgasm. One can only wonder if this means that sex is devoid of flamboyant indulgence such as clitoris stimulation, all twelve exotic positions that occasionally surface in memes on social media, and hot, steamy, adventurous experiences. Another issue could be how, from a culture context, sex is prominently defined through the pleasure a man gets.
Only 10% of women globally easily climax, as suggested by Cleveland Clinic. According to a study conducted on 1400 women, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, when asked about intercourse in general, 22% of women said they never experience orgasm. By contrast, women said they reached orgasm even more often with assisted intercourse (51-60% of the time), but less often with unassisted intercourse (21-30%) of the time.
“What these results tell us is that when women are asked about their experiences with orgasm in general during vaginal intercourse, they seem to be interpreting it in multiple ways. Some are thinking about intercourse alone (no clitoral stimulation), some are thinking about intercourse with added clitoral stimulation, and some are probably thinking about both of these things and averaging them together.”
In a poll I conducted on social media, it appears that Batswana women say being honest about not reaching climax is more comfortable than faking it. However, it became clear that the issue is layered. Concerns such as lack of communication, not showing your partner how to pleasure you and playing with yourself (masturbation) are big hurdles in between the sheets for maximum pleasure.
“A good start would be an end to faking orgasms and communication from women,” stated one comment, while others stated: “The problem is Batswana women never talk to their partners, so to this day Batswana men are still looking for the G-spot” and “Women should EXPECT orgasms.”
While there’s an overwhelming indication that women want to experience sexual climax, most find themselves protective of their partner’s egos, riddling them to silence and ‘bad sex’. “I think it also boils down to labelling women as ‘hoes’. I think lot of women shy away from exploring themselves sexually because of it. I know some people who find it weird to touch themselves. So I don’t think even the women know what they do or don’t like because of fear of being labeled,” noted a comment.
Speaking to a Dr Lubega, a general practitioner, he recalled an interaction with a patient: “I have only had one female patient complain of being unsatisfied with her ‘performance’. Often it’s men who bring up such issues. Indeed it’s a much more delicate topic to broach with women, particularly conservative African women – at least for me as a male doctor. I don’t know whether it’s because women are shy discussing it with a man or is it more to do with my own personal subconscious inhibitions, fueled by my lack of confidence in handling the issue. Anyway, the one patient that ever raised the matter with me did so because she was being prodded on by her partner, with whom she was exchanging messages via WhatsApp, as she waited for me to write her a prescription for a refill of her antidepressant medication. She showed me one of the messages, “do not forget to tell the doctor you cannot come.”
Lubega went on: “In defense of the tradition of where I come from (Uganda), the main focus is on being playful, having fun and being a little silly – the context in which pleasure and satisfaction can be achieved. Young girls are trained by an older female (usually paternal aunt or other surrogate aunt) on how to enhance the experience for herself and partner,” added Lubega.
So ladies, if at all you have never experienced one, try ignite that conversation with your lover, see what works for you to enhance pleasure and maybe magic will follow.